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I had an astrology reading last week and learned that Venus – planet of love, affection and union with others – is “very unsupported” in my natal chart. Well, well, that was a shock to me, but it also made sense. I am a person who loves and cares deeply, yet I often feel separate or apart from others, sometimes by choice. What a relief to know it’s not just me. You know the feeling “Now I know why.” You may be surprised to know that I have always felt a bit removed from the group, the kid sitting just outside the sandbox parallel playing with the other children. I have always had wonderful friends, lovely clients, a good family support system – and yet, I feel separate. I am an ambivert, but my preference is introvert. I do need to be by myself, and my family understands this. I am fortunate in so many ways with the relationships in my life.
I have thought about this “separateness” throughout my life. It has shown up over and over in many ways, as these things do. I try to reflect on the consequence of this experience, to look at the shadow side. I wonder if maybe I don’t let myself be truly vulnerable; maybe I keep a little distance between myself and others; maybe I am hard to understand fully? I don’t know, but there is this inexplicable something.
I have people in my life that exude love and acceptance. We spend pieces of time together; we don’t hang out or connect regularly. This has always been the way in my life, segments of time with wonderful people but not long-term regular connection. It feels better knowing it’s me, but it’s not me.
I love people. I love getting to know you. If you know me, you know I will be very real with you. I will willingly share my fears and doubts with you as well as my joy and laughter. I am also a reforming pleaser who goes out of my way to not inconvenience someone rather than ask for something. (I am working on that and doing well!) No one would think I do not regularly have a long-term, genuine, comfortable, natural connection with others, or that I am okay feeling this way. I have accepted it, and at this stage in my life, it works, for the most part.
So, it’s written in the stars is it?
Learning about my unsupported Venus is affirming and feels less like shadow work to be done and more like a possibility. The possibility of finding ways to intentionally support Venus (the planet and the goddess) in myself is intriguing. I am curious, and so, I step into a new adventure. I figure my heart and my Leo sun have done a really good job of keeping me connected to others and blessed with loving relationships of all kinds, but I still have some work to do and now I want to understand. I am sharing this because I know so many of you feel alone or unsupported in this lifetime. My heart aches when I energetically touch that place in you during a reading. It is hard to explain this feeling of being in community with the whole world and the souls I know personally, while simultaneously being separate. I know many of you understand. And for some of us, it is a reality that we are a part of the group and yet orbit the outside. I also know that only we can develop this place in ourselves.
After my astrology reading, I have a new perspective on this aspect of myself, knowing I was born this way, my natal chart says so. 😉
Where is your Venus? Does she need a little help? Do you? Let’s push ourselves a bit in the spirit of growth and adventure. Ask for help. Ask for support. Let people care for you. If you have no one you feel can do that for you, take another look. One person may not be able to help with everything, but there will be someone. It may be a stranger who holds the door for you today and brings a smile to your face. It could be the sound of children laughing that fills you with joy for a moment (one of my favorites). It could be your angels. Those beautiful light- and loved-filled beings who will always help you if you let them. Let’s go to them, shall we?
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